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The Most Highly Anticipated Movie Ever (By Me, And Probably Me Alone)

Why didn't I think of this?!

This Rod Gets The Shaft

Andy Samberg (SNL) stars in "Hot Rod," a new film being released in theaters this Friday. In it, he plays Rod Kimble, a man-child who wants to follow in his late father's footsteps and be a stuntman, doing amazing tricks on his moped. Naturally, he is terrible at stunts, thanks in part to his crew of idiot friends, including Bill Hader (also of SNL). This is a project from the Lonely Island comedy team (Samberg, Jorma Taccone who plays Rod's brother Kevin, and director Akiva Shaffer), the group that produced the "Lazy Sunday" and "Dick in a Box" digital shorts on SNL. Put all this together, and this should be a slam dunk, right?

Hell no.

A dumb plot (Rod wants to jump 15 buses to raise the $50,000 needed to save his step-father's life...so that he can finally kick his step-dad's ass and earn his respect) gets combined with lame characters (They either try too hard to pull off redneck cliches, or they try too hard to evoke Napoleon Dynamite - brother Kevin looks and acts like Kip, one guy's name is Rico, they dance badly, they have moronic quirks and mannerisms) to make a really lousy film. Most of the jokes tried too hard, fell flat, felt forced, or just made no sense. It was like one really bad episode of SNL, so save your $10 and just turn on the tv at 11:30 on Saturday night. I pray for those people in the audience yesterday who were rolling in the aisles. I guess drugs will do that to you.

Strictly For My Golden Bears

In the late 90's to early 2000s (and maybe beyond), UC Berkeley was truly blessed by the ubiquitous presence of a mysterious, yet strangely captivating, figure around campus. Usually identified by either a long trench coat or a tight, purple, velour shirt, this well-built, Asian specimen was known only as "Cool Guy" or "Triangle Man". Sometimes, he would be spotted whipping out his flip-phone and answering calls as if he were Neo trapped in the Matrix. Other sightings included him studying in the library with his carrel filled with little cards consisting of self-affirmation messages. Otherwise, he was in the gym, pumping iron and further developing his "triangle"-shaped physique. If you never knew of this man, you would probably think I was crazy. But, if the words "Cool Guy" or "Triangle Man" immediately made you laugh, then you are a member of a rather large Cal community that was mesmerized by this phenomenon.

So, why am I writing about this? Because when I read this article, I could not help but notice the striking similarities between our "Cool Guy" and this so-called He-Man. Maybe they hail from the same planet and by understanding one, more knowledge might be gained about the other, or even their species as a whole. The limits are truly endless. This must be what Kennedy felt as he started the Space Program.

Captain Picard Makes It So...Hilarious

Those who know me know that I am a huge fan of Ricky Gervais' BBC hit "The Office." Well, I finally got around to watching his follow-up show "Extras", and I have to say that I can't believe lightning struck twice. The show is absolutely brilliant, at times even more painful than the adventures at Wernham-Hogg.

In brief, Gervais plays Andy Millman, a struggling C-list "actor" who finds himself in extra work in the hopes of getting his big break. Usually on set, he is joined by his best friend Maggie Jacobs (Ashley Jensen, now of "Ugly Betty"), an extremely aloof Scot who adorable-ness is only outshined by her uncanny ability to put her foot in her mouth. Together, they make a great team. Added to the mix are a plethora of real-life celebrities, playing themselves, and skewering their actual personas in ever comical ways. When else could you get to see Kate Winslet teach someone to talk dirty over the phone, Orlando Bloom shit-talk about Johnny Depp ("Willy Wonka? Johnny Wanker!"), and Daniel Radcliffe carry around a pre-opened condom in preparation for "intercourse." Hilarity, most definitely, ensues.

But, in arguably the best cameo appearance, Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: The Next Generation) takes the brilliance to soaring new heights in the following conversation with Andy. Can't wait for his movie to come out!

Now, thats what I call "Korea-graphy"!

Just when you thought it was safe to take a leak during halftime of a sporting event, think again! Courtesy of my kindred homies in Korea, I present to you the most insanely choreographed spectacle this side of "Nipplegate." Making up for recent years of shame in the baseball world (Chan Ho Park, I'm looking right at you), the scientific world (lies regarding cloning studies), and the world domination, er, world (thanks to our oh "so rone-ry" neighbor to the north), these performers have once again brought glory and honor to Koreans across the globe. I bet the actual game wasn't nearly as exciting as this.

(And I thought what we used to do at Cal games was impressive. Wrong.)

Supergood!

On Wednesday night, I attended a free advance screening of the movie Superbad, a new film from the guys who brought you 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up." In other words, this is no modern-day retelling of star-crossed lovers in fair Verona. Instead, it's about three lovable geeks who just want one chance to go to a graduation party where they can finally get their respective crushes wasted enough to bone them. Will they? Won't they? It's like the Ross and Rachel plotline, only with nothing in common.

Michael Cera (George Michael Bluth from "Arrested Development) and Jonah Hill (the afro-ed white kid in 40-Year-Old Virgin that really wanted to buy the glittery boots from Catherine Keener's eBay shop) play the main characters, Evan and Seth, but they are also joined by everybody's tubby sperminator Seth Rogen (who co-wrote the film), and that creepy-looking SNL actor Bill Hader. To tell you more of the plot would be a dis-service on my part, so I won't give anything except these two words: human tampon. If you've seen and enjoyed the aforementioned films, this one should be right up your alley. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. I laughed so hard during the screening that I almost peed in my pants. But that was probably because I drank a lot of water in the theater. It was really warm inside.

Superbad arrives in theaters on August 17.