The Top 5 Reasons Why the Special Editions of the Star Wars Trilogy Suck (Or Why George Lucas Is a Self-Absorbed Fool)
In honor of last Saturday's Star Wars bonanza, here is a (slightly modified) resurrected post (from my old xanga blog):
5. At Mos Eisley in the Star Wars, Lucas added CGI effects to have Jawas riding large Banthas in the sand. At one point, a Bantha rears on its hind legs, and the Jawa slips off, screaming and hanging onto the ropes around the Bantha's head. Nothing too integral to the plot, yet it's just another example of Lucas' reliance on cheap physical humor laughs that are more cutesy than comical. It's the Ewok syndrome (don't even get me started on Return of the Jedi), where he's pandering to the audience and catering the films for his kids rather than realizing that his original core audience were alive in 1977, thus making them at least in their 30's, if not older. That's just a slap in the face because he made the first 2 films funny while being smart. Those are not mutually exclusive qualities. How did that scene further the movie at all in a technological way that Lucas was unable to include back in '77?
4. The revamped band scene in Return of the Jedi. First of all, it plays like a music video of a concert, including wild shrieks and extreme close-ups, another example of the cutesy crap I was talking about. The song sucks to boot, and is just highly unnecessary. This is supposed to be an ominous scene, the chamber of Jabba the Hutt, the mighty gangster who has been after Han Solo throughout the three movies. He's got a Rancor beast under the floor that eats people, Han's in carbonite, and the scene has all the elements for an exciting rescue by Luke Cocknocker, I mean Skywalker. Once again, Lucas ruins it.
3. Jabba the Hutt's cameo in Star Wars, where he is 5' 6'' and extremely slimmed down from when we see him in Return of the Jedi. Apparently, he really let himself go during those years. They might as well have just used a sock puppet to play him. And then, adding insult to injury, they include a little physical play where Han steps on Jabba, another example of the cheesy laugh. And this was one of the more anticipated scenes to be "restored" in the Special Editions. Can you say "Blue Screen"?
2. Luke's scream as he falls down the chute at the end of Empire Strikes Back, sans arm. Don't know what I'm talking about? Watch the original, he takes a swan dive instead of grabbing Vader's hand, then gets sucked down to a weather vane. Fine and dandy. Now, in the SE, he takes the plunge, only now you hear a continuous scream throughout his freefall and it just sounds bad. Why is he screaming anyway? He jumped off, it's not like he got scared or anything, he knew what he was doing. His bloodcurdling scream after losing his arm sounded authentic, but the long drawn-out scream is more like a fire engine demonstrating the Doppler Effect. (Update: see below)
1. Greedo shoots first. This has probably been discussed to death by other Star Wars dorks like myself. Kevin Smith mentioned it in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. It's just an awful addition to the scene, both as a plot point and as a visual scene. First of all, how the hell does he miss so badly? He's sitting right across from Han, shouldn't he get his Bounty Hunter license revoked for that? The missed blaster shot looks really bad, making it that much more implausible. Second, it's meant to soften Han Solo's character. But, Han is a badass. He's a space pirate in the first movie. He's stashes illegal cargo and outruns big Corellian ships, not just bulk cruisers mind you. All he cares about is money, which is why he agrees to help Luke save Leia. And what do badasses do? They blast Bounty Hunters under the table so that they don't get taken in to the boss who's put a price on their head. His hard exterior is supposed to be chipped away as the movie goes on, so that when he doubles back to help Luke in the Death Star trench, its effect is greater. That's when he becomes softer, not in the cantina. Hell, he's still supposed to be a badass throughout the second movie as well, it's only in the third one where Lucas turns Han into a jealous, self-conscious, whining buffoon, for which I'll never forgive Sir George.
Update: After watching the DVD versions of the original trilogy, I have a few more gripes that Lucas did to further doctor the original movies in order to have consistency with the newer prequel trilogy. For instance, in Empire Strikes Back, he changes the scene where Darth Vader contacts the Emperor so that he can change the face of the Emperor to match that of Ian McDiarmid, the man who plays the role in Return of the Jedi as well as in the entire prequel trilogy. New CGI, even new dialogue, I'm not impressed. Also, he alters Boba Fett's voice to match that of Jango Fett from the prequels, removing the scratchy yet ominous voice for a more Australian or New Zealand-ish one. Unnecessary. And, at the end of Return of the Jedi, when the visions of Yoda, Anakin, and Obi-Wan greet Luke on Endor, Lucas changes Anakin to a young Hayden Christiansen. The only good thing is that he removes the scream that I mentioned in point #2 above.
All this has done is reinforce my own happiness for having stocked up on old versions of the trilogy, preserving the sanctity of the original theatrical films, such as the 2 THX VHS sets (1 for viewing and 1 for safe keeping) and 2 laserdisc sets I bought through Ebay. I don't even care that I don't have a laserdisc player to watch them; after all, they're for my kids. Ha! I'm just talking crazy. Who's gonna be stupid enough to have kids with a lunatic like me?
5. At Mos Eisley in the Star Wars, Lucas added CGI effects to have Jawas riding large Banthas in the sand. At one point, a Bantha rears on its hind legs, and the Jawa slips off, screaming and hanging onto the ropes around the Bantha's head. Nothing too integral to the plot, yet it's just another example of Lucas' reliance on cheap physical humor laughs that are more cutesy than comical. It's the Ewok syndrome (don't even get me started on Return of the Jedi), where he's pandering to the audience and catering the films for his kids rather than realizing that his original core audience were alive in 1977, thus making them at least in their 30's, if not older. That's just a slap in the face because he made the first 2 films funny while being smart. Those are not mutually exclusive qualities. How did that scene further the movie at all in a technological way that Lucas was unable to include back in '77?
4. The revamped band scene in Return of the Jedi. First of all, it plays like a music video of a concert, including wild shrieks and extreme close-ups, another example of the cutesy crap I was talking about. The song sucks to boot, and is just highly unnecessary. This is supposed to be an ominous scene, the chamber of Jabba the Hutt, the mighty gangster who has been after Han Solo throughout the three movies. He's got a Rancor beast under the floor that eats people, Han's in carbonite, and the scene has all the elements for an exciting rescue by Luke Cocknocker, I mean Skywalker. Once again, Lucas ruins it.
3. Jabba the Hutt's cameo in Star Wars, where he is 5' 6'' and extremely slimmed down from when we see him in Return of the Jedi. Apparently, he really let himself go during those years. They might as well have just used a sock puppet to play him. And then, adding insult to injury, they include a little physical play where Han steps on Jabba, another example of the cheesy laugh. And this was one of the more anticipated scenes to be "restored" in the Special Editions. Can you say "Blue Screen"?
2. Luke's scream as he falls down the chute at the end of Empire Strikes Back, sans arm. Don't know what I'm talking about? Watch the original, he takes a swan dive instead of grabbing Vader's hand, then gets sucked down to a weather vane. Fine and dandy. Now, in the SE, he takes the plunge, only now you hear a continuous scream throughout his freefall and it just sounds bad. Why is he screaming anyway? He jumped off, it's not like he got scared or anything, he knew what he was doing. His bloodcurdling scream after losing his arm sounded authentic, but the long drawn-out scream is more like a fire engine demonstrating the Doppler Effect. (Update: see below)
1. Greedo shoots first. This has probably been discussed to death by other Star Wars dorks like myself. Kevin Smith mentioned it in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. It's just an awful addition to the scene, both as a plot point and as a visual scene. First of all, how the hell does he miss so badly? He's sitting right across from Han, shouldn't he get his Bounty Hunter license revoked for that? The missed blaster shot looks really bad, making it that much more implausible. Second, it's meant to soften Han Solo's character. But, Han is a badass. He's a space pirate in the first movie. He's stashes illegal cargo and outruns big Corellian ships, not just bulk cruisers mind you. All he cares about is money, which is why he agrees to help Luke save Leia. And what do badasses do? They blast Bounty Hunters under the table so that they don't get taken in to the boss who's put a price on their head. His hard exterior is supposed to be chipped away as the movie goes on, so that when he doubles back to help Luke in the Death Star trench, its effect is greater. That's when he becomes softer, not in the cantina. Hell, he's still supposed to be a badass throughout the second movie as well, it's only in the third one where Lucas turns Han into a jealous, self-conscious, whining buffoon, for which I'll never forgive Sir George.
Update: After watching the DVD versions of the original trilogy, I have a few more gripes that Lucas did to further doctor the original movies in order to have consistency with the newer prequel trilogy. For instance, in Empire Strikes Back, he changes the scene where Darth Vader contacts the Emperor so that he can change the face of the Emperor to match that of Ian McDiarmid, the man who plays the role in Return of the Jedi as well as in the entire prequel trilogy. New CGI, even new dialogue, I'm not impressed. Also, he alters Boba Fett's voice to match that of Jango Fett from the prequels, removing the scratchy yet ominous voice for a more Australian or New Zealand-ish one. Unnecessary. And, at the end of Return of the Jedi, when the visions of Yoda, Anakin, and Obi-Wan greet Luke on Endor, Lucas changes Anakin to a young Hayden Christiansen. The only good thing is that he removes the scream that I mentioned in point #2 above.
All this has done is reinforce my own happiness for having stocked up on old versions of the trilogy, preserving the sanctity of the original theatrical films, such as the 2 THX VHS sets (1 for viewing and 1 for safe keeping) and 2 laserdisc sets I bought through Ebay. I don't even care that I don't have a laserdisc player to watch them; after all, they're for my kids. Ha! I'm just talking crazy. Who's gonna be stupid enough to have kids with a lunatic like me?
posted by F at 1:39 AM
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