The Power of the 'Stache
Case Study #1: Jake Plummer, quarterback of the Denver Broncos
After leaving Arizona State University, "The Snake" found his way to the Arizona Cardinals, where he languished in mediocrity for several years. Plagued by consistent inconsistency, Jake never seemed to live up to the potential that he hinted at in college. Fast forward to 2005, Plummer's second season with the Broncos, in which Denver has elevated itself to the upper echelon of NFL teams, being mentioned in the same breath as teams like Indy, New England, and Cincinnati. How did this occur? Continued success with the running game? Young receivers stepping up their game? Defensive upgrades from the Cleveland Browns? None of the above. Only a picture can convey the power of Denver's signal-caller.
It's a little bit pornstar, it's a little bit child molester. It had evolved into a beard, but then he mysteriously shaved it all off, prompting a level of fan outrage that could only provoke this sort of response. Behold the true secret weapon of the Denver Broncos.
Case Study #2: Adam Morrison, star forward for the Gonzaga Bulldogs
For several years, Gonzaga's men's basketball team has found tremendous success on the court, never moreso than during the NCAA Tournament. Sometimes playing the role of Tourney Cinderella, they have consistently ruined March Madness brackets, whether it be for continual doubters or for optimists thinking they could go to the Final Four every year. This year, they are unable to slip under the radar, for they have garnered a great deal of attention due to #3, the current scoring leader in the NCAA. At just over 28 ppg, Morrison has been racking up comparisons as the "next Larry Bird" with each successive performance. None was bigger than the Zags' come-from-behind victory vs. Oklahoma State, when Morrison banked in a 3-pointer with 2.5 seconds remaining to put the Bulldogs ahead to stay. He's a big-time player, willing to take the money shot, and he's being considered as the best player in the nation, no disrespect to UConn's Rudy Gay or Duke's J.J. Redick. How has he been so incredible this year? Did he work out harder in the offseason? Add more skills to his repertoire? Mentally prepare himself for the role of team leader? Yes, yes, and yes, but when he walked into the gym for his first practice of the new season, I'm sure it wasn't any of these intangibles that made his teammates stand up and take notice. No, he had visible proof that he was ready to take his game to the next level:
Hard to see, huh? That's not necessarily because the picture's small. Here's another shot, a bit larger:
See what the problem is? The mustache, or "crustache" if you will, is creepily under-developed. It is like when I was in high school, before I realized that I needed to occasionally shave, when my brother alerted me to the fact that I had a slightly nasty, patchy upper lip. Only, Morrison's got it, knows it, and flaunts it. There has been plenty of discussion about the mustache, yet none of the predominantly negative comments have fazed him. It's there in all its glory, game in and game out. My friends, Adam Morrison is apparently the reincarnation of Samson, the biblical figure whose strength was a result of his flowing locks. The key to defending Morrison? Man-to-man defense with a Mach 3 razor in your hand.
I wish I could grow a mustache.
For those of you feeling mustache withdrawal after these two examples, go here for a great list of facial bliss. By the way, now that I'm on vacation, I will hopefully post the entries that I wanted to during finals but could not find the time to do. Happy holidays!
After leaving Arizona State University, "The Snake" found his way to the Arizona Cardinals, where he languished in mediocrity for several years. Plagued by consistent inconsistency, Jake never seemed to live up to the potential that he hinted at in college. Fast forward to 2005, Plummer's second season with the Broncos, in which Denver has elevated itself to the upper echelon of NFL teams, being mentioned in the same breath as teams like Indy, New England, and Cincinnati. How did this occur? Continued success with the running game? Young receivers stepping up their game? Defensive upgrades from the Cleveland Browns? None of the above. Only a picture can convey the power of Denver's signal-caller.
It's a little bit pornstar, it's a little bit child molester. It had evolved into a beard, but then he mysteriously shaved it all off, prompting a level of fan outrage that could only provoke this sort of response. Behold the true secret weapon of the Denver Broncos.
Case Study #2: Adam Morrison, star forward for the Gonzaga Bulldogs
For several years, Gonzaga's men's basketball team has found tremendous success on the court, never moreso than during the NCAA Tournament. Sometimes playing the role of Tourney Cinderella, they have consistently ruined March Madness brackets, whether it be for continual doubters or for optimists thinking they could go to the Final Four every year. This year, they are unable to slip under the radar, for they have garnered a great deal of attention due to #3, the current scoring leader in the NCAA. At just over 28 ppg, Morrison has been racking up comparisons as the "next Larry Bird" with each successive performance. None was bigger than the Zags' come-from-behind victory vs. Oklahoma State, when Morrison banked in a 3-pointer with 2.5 seconds remaining to put the Bulldogs ahead to stay. He's a big-time player, willing to take the money shot, and he's being considered as the best player in the nation, no disrespect to UConn's Rudy Gay or Duke's J.J. Redick. How has he been so incredible this year? Did he work out harder in the offseason? Add more skills to his repertoire? Mentally prepare himself for the role of team leader? Yes, yes, and yes, but when he walked into the gym for his first practice of the new season, I'm sure it wasn't any of these intangibles that made his teammates stand up and take notice. No, he had visible proof that he was ready to take his game to the next level:
Hard to see, huh? That's not necessarily because the picture's small. Here's another shot, a bit larger:
See what the problem is? The mustache, or "crustache" if you will, is creepily under-developed. It is like when I was in high school, before I realized that I needed to occasionally shave, when my brother alerted me to the fact that I had a slightly nasty, patchy upper lip. Only, Morrison's got it, knows it, and flaunts it. There has been plenty of discussion about the mustache, yet none of the predominantly negative comments have fazed him. It's there in all its glory, game in and game out. My friends, Adam Morrison is apparently the reincarnation of Samson, the biblical figure whose strength was a result of his flowing locks. The key to defending Morrison? Man-to-man defense with a Mach 3 razor in your hand.
I wish I could grow a mustache.
For those of you feeling mustache withdrawal after these two examples, go here for a great list of facial bliss. By the way, now that I'm on vacation, I will hopefully post the entries that I wanted to during finals but could not find the time to do. Happy holidays!
posted by F at 1:23 AM
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