Being Chuck Klosterman ... (or, How Crazy Celebrities Have Now Ruined The Films Of My Childhood)
I just finished watching Top Gun on HBO, and it is remarkable to think of how that film has withstood the test of time, having been released about 20 years ago during the Cold War and, yet, still managing to be exciting and funny (although, in a different way, to be discussed in a bit) and alarmingly patriotic. However, there is something very different about the viewing experience now as compared to when I saw it in theaters with my parents as an 8 year-old child. At that time, all I thought of was wanting to be a fighter pilot and wanting to feel the need ... the need for speed. And were they putting their tongues in each other's mouths???!!! I didn't know at the time that that was how it was done. And only last week was I finally able to confirm for myself that Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis were dropping science when they filmed that scene! It's open mouth from here on out! But NOW, things are a little different. When I see "Maverick" give the salute and the thumbs-up sign while in the cockpit, I can't help but picture him also pounding his fist on the floor, jumping up onto his seat with arms raised, and screaming/laughing creepily, all because of my former love, Katie. He's not the badass loose-cannon fighter pilot, or "naval aviator" as he explains in the movie, but rather, he's the crazy actor setting up Scientology tents at movie sets and inviting coworkers to get massages from his fellow crazy Scientologists. Now, I see Maverick reprimanding Matt Lauer, and I don't like it one bit. I admit that I was a pretty decent fan of Mr. Mapother IV, what with his great performances in Magnolia, Rain Man, Mission Impossible (1, not 2), and Jerry Maguire. He branched out and took risks in certain roles, and he was a short mega-star. What a role model. But, everything's changed. Now, he's going mental on Oprah, chewing out Brooke Shields, impregnating women half his age. I'm being completely serious when I say that I cannot and do not watch his old movies in the same way anymore.
On a side note, another thing I've noticed when revisiting movies from my youth is that there are nuances that I never picked up on as a child. Using Top Gun as a reference again, I never noticed just how homo-erotic the film is. There are 2 women in the film, surrounded by dozens of men, often times shown wearing just towels in the locker room. Maverick and Iceman share a number of intense conversations that involve a great deal of "close-talking" ("That's right, Ice ... man. I AM dangerous."). And hello, was that prolonged beach volleyball scene really necessary to the plot? You know, the scene that is accompanied by the Kenny Loggins song, "Playing With the Boys"? I'm not sure but that scene must have a place high up on the Bill Simmons Unintentional Comedy Scale. If not, I'll cut my nuts off like that soccer player. Anyway, just goes to show you that aging merely leads to lost innocence. 20 years time leads to initial reactions of "Wow, they're all really good at volleyball!" that have now evolved into "Is this really happening? Did Joel Schumacher direct this movie?"
Back to business. Another example of crazy man who has thoroughly altered my viewing experiences: Mel Gibson. I LOVED Lethal Weapons 1 and 2, absolutely loved them. Mel had a knack for great balance of drama and comedic chops. Yeah, LW 3 and 4 became caricatures, but especially in the original Lethal Weapon, Mel played Martin Riggs beautifully, with just enough dry wit to complement his suicidal, Vietnam-vet character. Now, he's making 2.5 hour torture movies and showing off his uber-fundamental Catholic views. I think his anger at Diane Sawyer was a template for Tom going off on Lauer. I mean, seriously, is it really necessary to show Jesus getting his ass beat for like 30 minutes? And blaming his death on the Jews? What happened to the William Wallace I knew and loved? Now, I'm not nearly as sad when I see him get disemboweled. Wow, that was a bit harsh. I take that last comment back.
Final example for now: The Governator. How does Conan The Barbarian, the Terminator, Dutch the Predator-killer, Ben Richards the "Butcher of Bakersfield" suddenly become Governor of Kah-lee-foe-nya? Go back to killing terrorists, rescuing Alyssa Milano, teaching kids about penises, vaginas, and tumors, and having children. Ruined all these movies for me too. Predator, Commando, Kindergarten Cop, Twins, Terminators 1 and 2, The Running Man, Jingle All the (uh, wait...). But then again, I guess he was crazy all along, what with all the reports of his swinging, orgy-having, ass-grabbing days as a body builder. Now, instead of John Connor, he's telling the uninsured of California, "Come with me if you want to live." And the sad thing is that even as I joke about it, he DOES use old movie lines in his regular government work. And if he doesn't like what I'm writing, all I have to say is, "C'mon! Kill me! I'm hee-uh! Do it nowwww!"
My childhood joys are being systematically destroyed over time, and it saddens me. I don't even want to begin to explain how George Lucas has utterly massacred the Star Wars Trilogy with his prequel disasters. Now, I see Darth Vader in Star Wars and I imagine whiny Hayden with his rat-tail under that helmet, being a little bitch. Sad...
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If anyone has read this far, thank you. You've almost made my day. If you leave me a nice comment, then you will have made my day. Happy turkey day.
On a side note, another thing I've noticed when revisiting movies from my youth is that there are nuances that I never picked up on as a child. Using Top Gun as a reference again, I never noticed just how homo-erotic the film is. There are 2 women in the film, surrounded by dozens of men, often times shown wearing just towels in the locker room. Maverick and Iceman share a number of intense conversations that involve a great deal of "close-talking" ("That's right, Ice ... man. I AM dangerous."). And hello, was that prolonged beach volleyball scene really necessary to the plot? You know, the scene that is accompanied by the Kenny Loggins song, "Playing With the Boys"? I'm not sure but that scene must have a place high up on the Bill Simmons Unintentional Comedy Scale. If not, I'll cut my nuts off like that soccer player. Anyway, just goes to show you that aging merely leads to lost innocence. 20 years time leads to initial reactions of "Wow, they're all really good at volleyball!" that have now evolved into "Is this really happening? Did Joel Schumacher direct this movie?"
Back to business. Another example of crazy man who has thoroughly altered my viewing experiences: Mel Gibson. I LOVED Lethal Weapons 1 and 2, absolutely loved them. Mel had a knack for great balance of drama and comedic chops. Yeah, LW 3 and 4 became caricatures, but especially in the original Lethal Weapon, Mel played Martin Riggs beautifully, with just enough dry wit to complement his suicidal, Vietnam-vet character. Now, he's making 2.5 hour torture movies and showing off his uber-fundamental Catholic views. I think his anger at Diane Sawyer was a template for Tom going off on Lauer. I mean, seriously, is it really necessary to show Jesus getting his ass beat for like 30 minutes? And blaming his death on the Jews? What happened to the William Wallace I knew and loved? Now, I'm not nearly as sad when I see him get disemboweled. Wow, that was a bit harsh. I take that last comment back.
Final example for now: The Governator. How does Conan The Barbarian, the Terminator, Dutch the Predator-killer, Ben Richards the "Butcher of Bakersfield" suddenly become Governor of Kah-lee-foe-nya? Go back to killing terrorists, rescuing Alyssa Milano, teaching kids about penises, vaginas, and tumors, and having children. Ruined all these movies for me too. Predator, Commando, Kindergarten Cop, Twins, Terminators 1 and 2, The Running Man, Jingle All the (uh, wait...). But then again, I guess he was crazy all along, what with all the reports of his swinging, orgy-having, ass-grabbing days as a body builder. Now, instead of John Connor, he's telling the uninsured of California, "Come with me if you want to live." And the sad thing is that even as I joke about it, he DOES use old movie lines in his regular government work. And if he doesn't like what I'm writing, all I have to say is, "C'mon! Kill me! I'm hee-uh! Do it nowwww!"
My childhood joys are being systematically destroyed over time, and it saddens me. I don't even want to begin to explain how George Lucas has utterly massacred the Star Wars Trilogy with his prequel disasters. Now, I see Darth Vader in Star Wars and I imagine whiny Hayden with his rat-tail under that helmet, being a little bitch. Sad...
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If anyone has read this far, thank you. You've almost made my day. If you leave me a nice comment, then you will have made my day. Happy turkey day.
posted by F at 1:58 PM
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